Beyond TV Safety

On New Years morning of last year, as I was attempting to watch a movie, I was visited by the spirits of Kero-chan (the yellow mascot character from CARD CAPTOR SAKURA) and Jim Morrison (deceased lead singer of THE DOORS) as well as a cute bunny girl who told us all to blow off. They proceeded to show me what the anime world would be like in 1999 but their predictions were sometimes somewhat off.
I knew that they, or someone else, would return again to give me more ridiculous visions but I was hoping that it would be later rather than sooner. Maybe they'd forget or something.
But no.
On the morning of December 7th, as I was working on what would have been the greatest Beyond TV Safety Article yet, pretty much the Unified Theory of Anime which I had sudden inspiration to write, there was a flash of light and I knew they had returned.

= Scott Frazier = Kero-chan = Jim Morrison

Waii! Waii! It's Kero-chan!

We're back for more deep meaning, man.

I thought you guys were supposed to come at the very end of the year.

We had so much Christmas shopping to do we figured we'd do it early..

Lovely. So, did you find your third ghost of Christmas?

Uh... Well... yes. We brought Charles...

You brought Charles the editor of EX? Great! We don't get together enough.

Hey! Where am I?

Wait a minute. Oh my god—you brought Charles Manson?!

Where the hell are my scorpion dolls?

Well, I was really busy so I had to let Jim put in the application for the third spirit and...

The scorpion is a symbol of power.

I couldn't think of anybody else, man. I got up there and they asked who we wanted and he just popped into my head.

So you bring a mass murderer to my house?!

Hey, get it straight. Manson never killed anybody.

Oh, right.

No, man, it's a bum rap. I never touched or hurt anybody.

There was never any real evidence that Manson had any direct or indirect role in any murders. The prosecution never claimed he actually killed anyone he was convicted of murdering. He didn't plan them and didn't order them. Look it up. The actual murderers walked free. The most he could possibly have been sent up on was conspiracy charges but he got life for murder. He's a symbol.

Oh... Well, whatever, but he's obviously insane and he's sitting on the COWBOY BEBOP DVDs I borrowed from a friend..

Bebop is the pits, man, hobo music is where it's at.

Well, get off them anyway.

Bing Crosby was my hero.

I was hip to Bing too, man.

We also have a fourth ghost of Christmas—the Ghost of Christmas Hallucinated.

Greetings Seeker!

Dr. Timothy Leary?

The Galileo of Consciousness, man.

I was right about the Neuroatomic Circuit you know. Chapel Perilous lies in ruin. Tell that to everybody.

Uh... Sure.

Hi Doc.

Hey Charlie. I didn't know you died.

I haven't yet but Dionne Warwick couldn't make it so I'm hanging out with these guys.

Sorry about this but it was on such short notice.

I appreciate you bringing Dr. Leary but... [looks at Manson] Why can't I get someone like Gandhi or Leonardo da Vinci?

Alexander the Great was available. He said he would wear his Creamy Mami costume.

Uh... here guys, why don't you uh... try this out.

What's that?

This is a PlayStation. You can.. uh... learn stuff from it.

Let's turn on and drop out Charlie.

Groovy!